Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place which might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different. Particularly as it's carried though space on the back of a giant turtle (sex unknown). It plays by different rules.
But then, some things are the same everywhere. The Disc's very existence is about to be threatened by a strange new blight: the world's first tourist, upon whose survival rests the peace and prosperity of the land. Unfortunately, the person charged with maintaining that survival in the face of robbers, mercenaries and, well, Death, is a spectacularly inept wizard...
They say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.
The last thing the wizard Drum Billet did, before Death laid a bony hand on his shoulder, was to pass on his staff of power to the eighth son of an eighth son. Unfortunately for his colleagues in the chauvinistic (not to say misogynistic) world of magic, he failed to check that the baby in question was a son. Everybody knows that there's no such thing as a female wizard. But now it's gone and happened, there's nothing much anyone can do about it. Let the battle of the sexes begin...
What shall we do?' said Twoflower.
'Panic?' said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival.
As it moves towards a seemingly inevitable collision with a malevolent red star, the Discworld could do with a hero. What it doesn't need is a singularly inept and cowardly wizard, still recovering from the trauma of falling off the edge of the world, or a well-meaning tourist and his luggage which has a mind (and legs) of its own. Which is a shame because that's all there is...
Things like crowns had a troublesome effect on clever folks; it was best to leave all the reigning to the kind of people whose eyebrows met in the middle.
Three witches gathered on a lonely heath. A king cruelly murdered, his throne usurped by his ambitious cousin. A child heir and the crown of the kingdom, both missing...
Witches don't have these kind of dynastic problems themselves - in fact, they don't have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn't have. But even she found that meddling in royal politics was a lot more complicated than certain playwrights would have you believe, particularly when the blood on your hands just won't wash off and you're facing a future with knives in it...
Death has to happen. That's what bein' alive is all about. You're alive, and then you're dead. It can't just stop happening.' But it can. And it has. Death is missing - presumed...er...gone (and on a little farm far, far away, a tall dark stranger is turning out to be really good with a scythe). Which leads to the kind of chaos you always get when an important public service is withdrawn. If Death doesn't come for you, then what are you supposed to do in the meantime? You can't have the undead wandering about like lost souls. There's no telling what might happen, particularly when they discover that life really is only for the living...
All this books and stuff, that isn't what it should all be about. What we need is real wizardry.
There was an eighth son of an eighth son. He was, quite naturally, a wizard. And there it should have ended. However (for reasons we'd better not go into), he had seven sons. And then he had an eighth son... a wizard squared...a source of magic...a Sourcerer.
Unseen University has finally got what it wished for: the most powerful wizard on the disc. Which, unfortunately, could mean that the death of all wizardry is at hand. And that the world is going to end, depending on whom you listen to. Unless of course one inept wizard can take the University's most precious artefact, the very embodiment of magic itself, and deliver it halfway across the disc to safety...
This is one of Pratchett's best books. Hilarious and highly recommended' The Times The Discworld is very much like our own - if our own were to consist of a flat planet balanced on the back of four elephants which stand on the back of a giant turtle, that is . . .
___________________ 'It was the usual Ankh-Morpork mob in times of crisis; half of them were here to complain, a quarter of them were here to watch the other half, and the remainder were here to rob, importune or sell hotdogs to the rest.' Insurrection is in the air in the city of Ankh-Morpork. The Haves and Have-Nots are about to fall out all over again.
Captain Sam Vimes of the city's ramshackle Night Watch is used to this. It's enough to drive a man to drink. Well, to drink more. But this time, something is different - the Have-Nots have found the key to a dormant, lethal weapon that even they don't fully understand, and they're about to unleash a campaign of terror on the city.
Time for Captain Vimes to sober up.
___________________ The Discworld novels can be read in any order but Guards! Guards! is the first book in the City Watch series.
Just because you can't explain it, doesn't mean it's a miracle.' In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was: 'Hey, you!' This is the Discworld, after all, and religion is a controversial business. Everyone has their own opinion, and indeed their own gods, of every shape and size, and all elbowing for space at the top. In such a competitive environment, shape and size can be pretty crucial to make one's presence felt. So it's certainly not helpful to be reduced to appearing in the form of a tortoise, a manifestation far below god-like status in anyone's book.
In such instances, you need an acolyte, and fast: for the Great God Om, Brutha the novice is the Chosen One - or at least the only One available. He wants peace and justice and brotherly love. He also wants the Inquisition to stop torturing him now, please...
They say that diplomacy is a gentle art. That mastering it is a lifetime's work. But you do need a certain inclination in that direction. It's not something you can just pick up on the job.
A few days ago Sam Vimes was a copper - an important copper, true - chief of police - but still, at his core, a policeman. But today he is an ambassador - to the mysterious, fat-rich country of Uberwald. Today, Sam Vimes is also a man on the run.
He has nothing but his native wit and the gloomy trousers of Uncle Vanya (don't ask). It's snowing. It's freezing. And if he can't make it through the forest to civilization there's going to be a terrible war.
There are monsters on his trail. They're bright. They're fast. They're werewolves - and they're catching up.
Neighbours... hah. People'd live for ages side by side, nodding at one another amicably on their way to work, and then some trivial thing would happen and someone would be having a garden fork removed from their ear.' And when the neighbours in question are the proud empires of Klatch and Ankh-Morpork, those are going to be some pretty large garden tools indeed. Of course, no-one would dream of starting a war without a perfectly good reason...such as a 'strategic' piece of old rock in the middle of nowhere. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend what they consider to be their own. Even if it isn't. And even if they don't have much in the way of actual weaponry. As two armies march, Commander Vimes of Ankh-Morpork City Watch faces unpleasant foes who are out to get him... and that's just the people on his side. The enemy might be even worse.
Discworld goes to war, with armies of sardines, warriors, fishermen, squid and at least one very camp follower.
A paperback edition with the original cover art of the classic fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett, the third book in the City Watch series, part of the global bestselling Discworld novels.
'Fantastical . . . laughter waiting to be uncovered on each page' Observer
'One of my favourite Pratchett stories' 5-star reader review
'It wasn't by eliminating the impossible that you got at the truth, however improbable; it was by the much harder process of eliminating the possibilities.'
Commander Sam Vimes of the City Watch is used to trouble. There's always trouble in Ankh-Morpork.
But this is new: people are being brutally murdered and there's no evidence of anything alive having been at the crime scene. At the same time, the most powerful man in the city has been poisoned and is clinging on to life by a thread.
It's a conundrum of a case. With the help of Captain Carrot, the only watchman who knows the law inside-out; Corporal Cheery Littlebottom, an unconventional dwarf with an eye for forensics; and Constable Angua, a werewolf with an excellent sense of smell, Vimes tries to solve the mystery.
But time is of the essence, for something extremely dangerous is loose in the city, its red eyes glowing in the night ...
Feet Of Clay is the third book in the City Watch series, but you can read the Discworld novels in any order.
Praise for the Discworld series:
'[Pratchett's] spectacular inventiveness makes the Discworld series one of the perennial joys of modern fiction' Mail on Sunday
'Pratchett is a master storyteller' Guardian
'One of our greatest fantasists, and beyond a doubt the funniest' George R.R. Martin
'One of those rare writers who appeals to everyone' Daily Express
'One of the most consistently funny writers around' Ben Aaronovitch
'Masterful and brilliant' Fantasy & Science Fiction
'Pratchett uses his other world to hold up a distorting mirror to our own... he is a satirist of enormous talent ... incredibly funny ... compulsively readable' The Times
'The best humorous English author since P.G. Wodehouse' The Sunday Telegraph
'Nothing short of magical' Chicago Tribune
'Consistently funny, consistently clever and consistently surprising in its twists and turns' SFX
'[Discworld is] compulsively readable, fantastically inventive, surprisingly serious exploration in story form of just about any aspect of our world...There's never been anything quite like it' Evening Standard
Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come round again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes.' For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution.
For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. He's back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard. But he must survive, because he has a job to do. He must track down the murderer and change the outcome of the rebellion.
The problem is: if he wins, he's got no wife, no child, no future...
A Discworld Tale of One City, with a full chorus of street urchins, ladies of negotiable affection, rebels, secret policemen and other children of the revolution.
The fairies are back - but this time they don't just want your teeth...
It's Midsummer Night - no time for dreaming. Because sometimes, when there's more than one reality at play, too much dreaming can make the walls between them come tumbling down. Unfortunately there's usually a damned good reason for there being walls between them in the first place - to keep things out. Things who want to make mischief and play havoc with the natural order.
Granny Weatherwax and her tiny coven are up against real elves. And even in a world of dwarfs, wizards, trolls, Morris dancers and the odd orang-utan, this is going to cause real trouble. With lots of hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place.
Whoever said you can't fool an honest man wasn't one' The Royal Bank is facing a crisis, and it's time for a change of management. Who would not to wish for that job?
It's a job for life. But, as former con-man Moist von Lipwig is learning, the life is not necessarily for long.
The Chief Cashier is almost certainly a vampire. There's something nameless in the cellar (and the cellar itself is pretty nameless), it turns out that the Royal Mint runs at a loss, and people actually want to know where the money's gone. A 300 year old wizard is after his girlfriend, he's about to be exposed as a fraud, but the Assassins Guild might get him first. In fact lot of people want him dead Oh. And every day he has to take the Chairman for walkies.
When the Spirit of Winter takes a fancy to young witch Tiffany Aching, he wants her to stay in his gleaming, frozen world. For ever.
It will take all the young witch's skill and cunning, as well as help from the legendary Granny Weatherwax and the irrepressible Wee Free Men, to survive until Spring. Because if Tiffany doesn't make it to Spring -
Discover master story-teller Terry Pratchett''s incredible Discworld in this first book in the Tiffany Aching series . . .
Tiffany Aching wants to be a witch when she grows up . . .
A proper one, with a pointy hat. And flying, Tiffany has always dreamed of flying (though it''s cold up there, and you have to wear really thick pants, two layers).
And as the twentieth granddaughter of her Granny Aching: shepherdess extraordinaire, and protector of the land, Tiffany knows the most important thing a real witch can do is protect others with their magic. So, when the monsters of Fairyland kidnap her brother, Tiffany decides it''s up to her to defend her home, even if she''s only armed with a frying pan and her common sense.
Luckily she has some very unusual help: the local Nac Mac Feegle - a.k.a the Wee Free Men - a clan of fierce, sheep-stealing, sword-wielding, six-inch-high blue men. Together they must face headless horsemen, ferocious grimhounds, terrifying dreams come true and ultimately the sinister Queen of the Elves herself . . .
This edition includes a special introduction from Rhianna Pratchett.
''If you''ve never read a Discworld novel, what''s the matter with you?'' Guardian
''Quite, quite brilliant'' Starburst
DISCOVER THE FULL TIFFANY ACHING SERIES, THE PERFECT INTRODUCTION TO DISCWORLD:
The Wee Free Men
A Hat Full of Sky
Wintersmith
I Shall Wear Midnight
The Shepherd''s Crown
'Look after the dead', said the priests, 'and the dead will look after you.' Wise words in all probability, but a tall order when, like Teppic, you have just become the pharaoh of a small and penniless country rather earlier than expected, and your treasury is unlikely to stretch to the building of a monumental pyramid to honour your dead father. He'd had the best education money could buy of course, but unfortunately the syllabus at the Assassin's Guild in Ankh-Morpork did not cover running a kingdom and basic financial acumen...
Funny, wise and mock heroic . . . The funniest and best crafted book I have read all year' Sunday Express The Discworld is very much like our own - if our own were to consist of a flat planet balanced on the back of four elephants which stand on the back of a giant turtle, that is . . .
__________________ 'What's so hard about pulling a sword out of a stone? The real work's already been done. You ought to make yourself useful and find the man who put the sword in the stone in the first place.' The City Watch needs MEN! But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf), Lance-constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-constable Detritus (a troll), Lance-constable Angua (a woman... most of the time) and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving).
And they need all the help they can get, because someone in Ankh-Morpork has been getting dangerous ideas - about crowns and legendary swords, and destiny.
And the problem with destiny is, of course, that she is not always careful where she points her finger. One minute you might be minding your own business on a normal if not spectacular career path, the next you might be in the frame for the big job, like saving the world . . .
__________________ The Discworld novels can be read in any order but Men At Arms is the second book in the City Watch series.
Dragons have invaded Crumbling Castle, and all of King Arthur's knights are either on holiday or visiting their grannies. It's a disaster! Luckily, there's a spare suit of armour and a very small boy called Ralph who's willing to fill it.
A hilarious fantasy, perfect for ages seven and up, by master storyteller Terry Pratchett - the first book he ever wrote!
In the beginning, there was nothing but endless flatness. Then came the Carpet
Then came the dust, which fell upon the Carpet. From the dust the Carpet wove us all.
From the dust came us, the Carpet People.
In the fronds of a carpet, there are tribes and people, families and brothers.
This is a story of two of those brothers. This is the story of the evil Fray, sweeping a trail of destruction across the carpet. And the story of an adventure to end all adventures . . .
'Incredibly funny . . . compulsively readable'
The Times
'This is the best Pratchett I've read' Sunday Telegraph The Discworld is very much like our own - if our own were to consist of a flat planet balanced on the back of four elephants which stand on the back of a giant turtle, that is . . . Time is a resource. Everyone knows it has to be managed. You mess with it at your peril. You can let it move fast or slowly but what you mustn't do is allow it to stop. The Monks of History have the glamorous job of time management in the Discworld . They store it and pump it from the places where it's wasted (like the underwater - how much time does a codfish need?) to places like cities, where there's never enough time. But with the construction of the world's first truly accurate clock starts a race against, well, time begins for History monk for Lu Tze and his suspiciously talented apprentice Lobsang Ludd . Because a truly accurate clock will stop time. And when time stands still, everything in human existence stops with it. Then, there really is no future. _________________ The Discworld novels can be read in any order but Thief of Time is the fifth book in the Death series.
As the mighty alien fleet from the latest computer game thunders across the screen, Johnny prepares to blow them into the usual million pieces. And they send him a message: We surrender.
They're not supposed to do that! They're supposed to die. And computer joysticks don't have 'Don't Fire' buttons . . .
Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch had it all. But now he's back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck.
Widely thought of as the best book Terry Pratchett ever wrote, this is a story of a Nation, a story of a friendship, a story of growing up and the truths we must learn. It is epic in every sense . . .
Prepare for the world to be turned upside down . . .
For Mau, halfway between boy and man, it happens when a great wave destroys his entire village. For Daphne, it's when the same wave crashes her ship into the island that was once Mau's home. Everything they once had is now so far away, lost to distance and time.
But when Daphne stops trying to shoot Mau (she did apologise for it), and instead uses a salvaged invitation card to invite him to tea, they discover a new home can be theirs.
And then people start arriving on the island - some very good, some very bad. And it's soon clear that Daphne and Mau must fight for their Nation.
Then a discovery is made that will change the entire world forever . . .
